swine flu: fear the government not the pigs

Oh wait. They’re the same thing.

Today I stumbled upon something shocking and eerily familiar. Please, take a look. I think you’ll find yourself having deja vous as well.

Now, I have thought from the beginning that this whole Swine Flu “pandemic” was a big load of horse shit. I lived in Honduras for nearly 5 weeks this spring, right when the scare was at its height. Fortunately, I was staying with one of the smartest people I know, who is also one of the lead epidemiologists in that country. Right from the beginning, she said that the whole thing was a bunch of bull and everyone was overreacting. Well, she didn’t say it in exactly those words…they were in Spanish. But really, jokes aside, she said that the “Swine Flu” was just another, perhaps slightly stronger, strain of the regular flu. Indeed, the frightful pandemic never came like it was supposed to. The terrifying Swine Flu just continued acting like the strain of normal flu that it is; but that apparently wasn’t good enough for the government. And so they turned their sights to the fall.

Government Official #1: “Damnit! Not enough people are dying for even the most moronic people to believe that this is a pandemic!”

Government Official #2: “No kidding. How am I supposed to get millions of people to take a new vaccine so the pharmaceutical lobbyists will pay for my new beach house in Fiji?

Government Official #1: “Valid point. Hmm…well, the actual flu season is coming up…what if we scared the hell out of the entire country and just told them they were all going to die. I mean, it wouldn’t really be a lie…they are all going to die eventually. Remember 1976? It worked out pretty well then.”

Government Official #2: “Yeah, fantastic idea! The pharmaceutical companies will really worship me then! I’ll bet I can get the beach house and a new jet. We’ll just have to make sure that they don’t figure out that we’re full of shit and insure that they can’t hold us liable when…if…they experience any…side-effects…”

Government Official #1: “Shouldn’t be too hard. Just have them sign their lives away…er…no pun intended…before they take it (high five for small print!). Oh, and of course we’ll need to buy off the media and con a celebrity or two into selling the idea. You know how they follow the stars like sheep.”

Government Official #2: “Wonderful! Nothing we haven’t done already. Whew! It’s been a hard day’s work. Champagne, good sir? Shall we toast to our impending success in duping millions while making millions?”

Government Official #1: “Cheers!”

But you know…maybe I’m wrong. Maybe it’s the other way around and it’s the government that wants to spread fear over the horrible Swine Flu. After all, what better way to distract an entire population from your own corruption and lies than by scaring the bejeezus out all of them with something they can’t see or control and could swoop down and massacre thousands of them at any moment: a pandemic. Keep them on their toes, but looking in the wrong direction. And hey, regardless of whether it is the vaccine working or the flu was just never actually that bad, if they don’t all die after being terrified that they would, they all might just thank you and forget how you’ve failed them over and over and over. Now, I promise, I’m not generally one for conspiracy theories and all that, but this just reeks of sketchiness, and it’s really starting to make my blood boil. So, I don’t know about you, but I will not be getting anywhere near to any Swine Flu vaccines the government pushes for this fall. As far as I’m concerned, they can take their big, shiny needles and shove it.

EDIT: The government has learned from past mistakes. This time around they will make sure they can’t be held liable for any damages sustained due to the vaccinations. Click here to learn more.



Filed under Rants

2 responses to “swine flu: fear the government not the pigs

  1. Ryan Starr

    All the fear mongering is ridiculous. I’ve always been rather fatalistic about all this stuff. I mean, if there’s a pandemic, I’ll probably die no matter what, so why worry? I’m not about to begin obsessively washing my hands until they bleed or hide in my basement with a mask on until the storm clears. Even when it does clear, it’s only a matter of time until another threat comes along for everyone to get freaked out about. CNN is licking its lips awaiting that moment.

  2. I’m exactly the same way. I prefer to just live my life to the fullest while I can instead of sitting around worrying about dying all the time. If it happens, it happens. Is everyone freaking out in Canada too?

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